and i give them away
in college, you really do learn alot about yourself. i know i have. i’m definitely not the same person i was as when i left.
the biggest thing i’ve learned is that no matter where you go, you can never run away from yourself. if you’re not comfortable in your own skin, it doesn’t matter if you change the scenery. changing the scenery doesn’t change the situation. instead, changing the scenery challenges the situation.
ayur – i miss you
.. not by sight.
and once again, i’ve found my way through trials which i thought would totally consume me. all because of the big guns upstairs.. thank ou.
boyz II men – dear God. “thank you for all that i am and for being a friend. Lord, my love for you will never end.”
.. He can bring you through it.
aww man. this is difficult. wondering how things turned out the way they did n not some other way. wishing that you could’ve done something different along the way so you’d actually be where you wanna be n not where you really are. what have i done? are things supposed to be lyk this? did i make all the right choices or am i making one wrong move after another?
i ask God all the time why He brought me here. why i’m going the path i’m going. not that i’m trying to put the responsibility of my actions on someone else or anything.. i jus believe that things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did if God didn’t want them to.
i’m the kinda person who believes in fate n destiny. i’m the kinda person who believes that God has a plan for all of us. whatever’s in that plan is in our best interest whether we realize it or not.
so why? we’ll see…..
staind – it’s been awhile
no ones ever gonna read this anyway.. so i might as well jus let it out.
i wanna go home so fucking bad. it’s not that i hate hawaii or anything. not at all. if anything, there’s alot of great things about this island that i really appreciate. but it’s lyk.. now that i’m away from home, i realize that i’m not gonna find anything i was looking for out here.
when i decided to come to UH, i had this thirst to go find myself. i felt lyk there was so much more out there for me; i jus had to go find it. but now, i realize that everything i ever wanted was right there at home with me. i’ll never find what i’m looking for.. even if i go to the greatest lengths.
no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try… i can never be happy. it’s all never enough for me. nothing matters cuz at the end of the day, i’ll still hate seeing my reflection in the mirror.
why am i here? why am i STILL here? why am i insisting on staying? because i’m tired of running away? i dunno.. i think i’m jus killing myself on the inside.
yellowcard – back home
it’s 756 n here i am on the wordpress2 app for iphone.. typing away my boredom. i woke up around 5 this morning cuz i slept around 10 last night. i’ve been doing that alot this week. maybe it’s cuz of the socal jet lag. but it’s only a 2 hour time difference, n i’ve never had jet lag in HI before.
campus center’s a quiet place this early in the morning. everyone’s jus sitting around.. chillin n waiting for their classes to start. it’s times lyk these when i love life the most. those days when you’re relaxed n calm.. silently watching the world move around you.
maybe i think too much.. or maybe im jus weird. but i saw this girl tapping on the window of the ‘meeting & event services’ office; she was trying to get the attention of the guy inside. when he came out, they hugged n chatted for a little. then i started to wonder what their story was: how they met, what they’ve laughed about, cried about (if they cried at all), n what it is that they’ve been through together.
i guess that’s what reminded me of how beautiful friendships are. sometimes, when you’re sitting there reminiscing, you can’t help but be in awe at how much time has passed since the first day your paths crossed, how many things you n this person experienced together, n how much the both of you have changed.
i dunno.. it’s jus a thought. it’s funny how much slow mornings can inspire someone to write.
make me dizzy o.O
death cab for cutie – someday you will be loved. trippy video. good song too. not too long ago, this song used to make me feel better. eventually, the lyrics became reality.
